Photo: James Alcock
So 10.30pm is apparently the witching hour for dinner party guests, a manners expert told us recently. Stick around any longer and it's rude. Really? Who knew? I'd always assumed the polite thing was to be having too much fun to even think of leaving before 11. This changes everything! Clearly we need to establish when is too late, when is too early, and the general rules of correct social timing. Here goes:
注重禮儀的專家最近告訴我們，超過晚上十點半還待在別人家，你將會是一個非常失禮的客人。哦？真的嗎？我還以為有禮貌的做法是盡情享受派對，以至於在十一點之前，都沒有注意到是否該向主人道別呢。這顛覆了我的認知，我們顯然需要發布正確的社交時間準則，告訴大家什麼時候是「太晚」，什麼時候又「太早」。
witching hour (n.)
The hour after midnight, when witches and other supernatural beings were thought to be active, and to which bad luck was ascribed. （wiktionary）
過了午夜，巫婆跟其他超自然力量出來活躍的那段時間，也是厄運開始發生的那段時間。
就是說時候不早了，你也該趕快躲進被窩的意思。
9am: The earliest you can call someone unless it's a work thing. We are well aware that super high achievers are always talking to their three best friends at 6am, while on a treadmill, drinking a kale juice, but whatever. Everyone knows the early bird phone call is, at best, "getting you out of the way", or classic call dumping. Before 9 is when people ring who don't actually want to talk to you - they want to leave a message while you're struggling out of the shower to answer the phone.
早上九點：一天當中最早可以打電話給別人的時間，除非是與工作相關。
我們都知道那些事業成功的人總是在早上六點時，邊跑著跑步機、喝著甘藍菜汁，同時與他的三個好朋友交談。而我們也都知道太早打電話，越不容易被對方接起，因此在九點之前會打給你的人，他們並不是真心想要跟你講話，他們只想趁你還在享受早晨美好的沐浴時光中，留下他們的訊息。
10am: Cut-off time for cancelling on the day, due to illness. Any later looks like cancelling was just one of the things on today's packed To Do list. HA!
早上十點：最晚可以用身體微恙的理由取消行程的時間。
若是超過這個時間才請假，就會讓人覺得是你事先安排好的！
11am: Earliest you should drop in unexpectedly at the weekend. What if we're still in bed, and there are empty bottles and dead flowers and spaghetti (cooked) strewn all over the house? (NB: If staying with someone for the weekend, never rise before 9am. Much better to be thought appallingly idle than the eager granola- botherer).
早上十一點：週末時最早可以無預警登門拜訪別人的時間。
假如我們還在賴床，家裡到處都還有昨晚喝剩的空酒瓶、浴室裡枯萎的花還沒更換、沒吃完的義大利麵條散落一地，該怎麼辦？
（附註：如果是跟別人一起度過週末，千萬不要在九點以前起床，悠閒的步調總比一起床就翻箱倒櫃找麥片吃要來得吸引人。）
1.30pm: The latest you can arrive for Sunday lunch. Lately people are pretty flexible about dinner time; you can turn up at 9.30pm and no one will bat an eyelid, but Sunday lunch when you are having a roast is a different deal.
下午一點半：最晚你可以剛好「趕到」週日午餐的時間。
我們對於晚餐的開飯時間，有越來越多的彈性， 你可以晚上九點半才出現，也沒有人會有意見，不過若是你安排了週日烤肉午餐會，那情況就不一樣了。
5.30pm: Cut-off time for the "guarantee to get back to you later today" email. When the email drops at 5.58 - ie late enough for the sender to ensure that they don't have to deal with your response because they have officially "left for the day" - that's rude. So much worse than not getting back at all.
下午五點半： 當你收到「我今日稍晚再回覆您」的信件時，你的最晚等待時間，若是超過這個時間，對方還沒回覆你，那麼建議你放棄等待。
但若是當你在五點五十八分才收到這封「我今日稍晚再回覆您」的信件時，其實寄件人只是在確保他們今天不用處理你的回覆，因為他們已經下班了！這是非常不禮貌的行為，甚至比沒收到任何回信還要糟。
7/7.30pm: A rude time to book a table for dinner with friends, indicating as it does that this is an in-out, guaranteed early night, not a diary-cleared-for the-following-morning sort of dinner.
晚上七點、七點半：與朋友相約聚餐時，一個不恰當的訂位時間。
感覺像在暗示對方說，我們只是去填飽肚子就離開，我沒有要關心你昨天為什麼蹲在路邊哭、上禮拜為什麼都吃不下飯、我也不想知道你的日本行好不好玩。
8.15pm: The latest you can turn up to a 6.30 kick-off drinks party. Nobody cares, really, but any later does have a whiff of, "only want to hit this party at peak time, for maximum personal gain".
晚上八點十五分：最晚你可以剛好「現身」一個晚上六點半就開始的派對。
其實沒有人會太在意，但如果再晚一點點，就會讓人覺得你「只想在這個派對最熱鬧、人最多的時候才出現」。
8.30pm: The latest you can feed nonagenarians. They won't complain if it's later, but they won't sleep either, or have the strength to chew, and they will think you have forgotten your manners.
晚上八點半： 最晚你應該讓老奶奶（或老公公）吃飯的時間。
超過這個時間才讓他們吃飯，說實在的他們不會向你抱怨，但他們也不會因此就去睡覺，也要冒著他們已耗盡體力沒有辦法咀嚼任何食物的風險，最糟的是他們會認為你已經失去你該有的禮貌。
10pm: The latest you can phone someone on a weekday. Any later is not just rude but peculiar since phone calls are becoming the Narwhals of communication (rare, lovely but disturbing), and why would you? (You may send a gif/text at any hour).
晚上十點：週一到週五，每天你最晚可以打電話給別人的時間。
若是超過這個時間，不僅僅是沒禮貌、也會讓人覺得很奇怪，因為你會發現就像在跟鯨魚交談一樣（跟鯨魚交談機會難得沒錯、也令人愉悅，但卻很困擾），你又何必呢？
（文字訊息或動畫訊息不在此限）
11pm: The earliest you can exit a party, at the weekend, without leaving your hosts wondering where they went wrong.
晚上十一點：最早可以離開週末派對的時間，免得讓主人覺得他們未善盡待客之道。
By Shane Watson
4 November 2017 - 10:45pm
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